Thursday, November 13, 2008

There can be only ONE Number Two!



We have a very real, and very serious problem to address in our Universe. Tensions have arisen between Dwight Schrute and Darth Vader as to whom should be the supreme Number Two, in their minds there can only be ONE Number Two! They have agreed that the voice of the people should be heard (maybe not heeded, but at least heard). I would like to present our two candidates, and enumerate just a few of the strengths and a distinct weakness of each. I will then give all of you exactly ONE WEEK to put in your thoughts and cast a vote in this historic election. Choose wisely.
Dean is acting as my official Coin tosser to ensure equal representation. Dwight has won the coin toss, and will therefore be outlined first.
DWIGHT KURT SCHRUTE
Dwight is the Assistant to the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Inc. Paper Company. He serves Michael Scott in all regards, unless the need arises (as laid out in his chart) for all control to revert to Dwight. He is personally resposible to ensure that no time or company resources at Dunder Mifflin are wasted. This has been especially dificult since there are no other employees alive with the intelect, drive, work ethic, or skills that Dwight posesses. He often finds himself in conflict over issues that are common knowledge (or should be) such as the fact that Brown Bears are best!
Strengths:
  • Purple belt in karate. (Granted, opponents are in elementary school).
  • Proficient in Mace deployment.
  • Paintball gun skills that are worthy of at least $500 for lessons.
  • Wrestling experience with his cousin Mose.
  • Possesses a variety of weapons, including Bow Staff, Taser, Brass knuckles, and even nunchaku.
  • Power of persuasion through use of supreme intellect, rapid-fire fact reciting, cunning, and even intimidation.
  • Strong Sexual attraction by members....member of the opposite sex.
  • Business owner, has found opportunity to open "Rustic" bed and breakfast at Dwight Farms.
Major Weakness:
  • Attacks have NO EFFECT on Jim.

DARTH "SKYWALKER" VADER
Darth Vader is the second in command of The Empire, serving under The Emperor. The Emperor's sole purpose is to bring unity to the Galaxy, and ensure that no one goes hungry or feels like they are inferior to anyone else. The idea of poverty is non-existent under this rule of government. There is no "class system" because everyone is treated equally, every citizen has a job, an education, a place to live, and free health care. Why can't the rebels understand that it is THEIR fault people are dying in this unnecessary war?

Strengths:

  • Can sense the presence and approach of enemy.
  • Has the ability to move items, open doors, and even cut off air supply of disrespectful subordinates (Jim would NEVER put Vader's stapler in Jello).
  • Skills with Light Saber are matched by the number of individuals with....I mean counted... on one hand!
  • Follows orders so thoroughly, loyalty could not possibly be questioned.
  • Survivability...Lord Vader is the LAST of his kind.
  • Has a cool Egg shaped personal chamber...or charging station if you will.
  • Can make funny faces during tense conflict negotiations...and none would be the wiser!

Major Weakness:

  • He wears a cape. Everyone knows that is the downfall of EVERY super hero...or villain.

Remember to take your time in this decision, use both the facts listed here in conjunction with your personal knowledge of each candidate.

As a reward for your participation, each vote caster will be entered into a drawing...prize yet to be disclosed.

10 comments:

Janet said...

Dude - you're awesome. You're totally on your way to taking over the blog. I'm not worthy! *humbly grovels*

And my vote {although since I'm related to the person originating the contest, I'm sure I'm not eligible to win} is for Dwight. He is OBVIOUSLY the #1 #2!

mtak said...

stumbled upon your blog, while reading others, hope you dont mind. Glad to hear the birth was a happy one and you now have your cute little guy on the outside. Had no idea you were into office and darth vador, never seen the office but star wars is cool. This is Tonya by the way. I am in primary with ya.

kassy said...

This is awesome! I have no other words besides GO SCHRUTE!!

Hayley said...

I know I'm going to be the odd one out here, but I have to go for Vader. He's an evil marvel and can control the universe while Dwight can't even control his bodily functions. I'm afraid it's no contest.....

Brandon said...

I may be looking into a bit too far, but. . .first of all Dwight isn't the #2, he's a wannabe #2. Jim is the real #2. And secondly, Darth Vaders mideclorian count is astronomically higher than Dwight's. . .And he can choke you to death. But if Dwight ever learned how to use the force, I believe we would have a new supreme villain. WAR VADER!!!

Sarah said...

I vote for Dwight K. Schrute because Star Wars is STUPID!!!

The Cobb's said...

Dwight for #1 #2!! as he does have both the power of a man....and a baby...since absorbing his twin in the womb

Sarah said...

Okay, so I've never really been into Star Wars that much, but I have tried. I've tried a lot. It's been awhile ago, but, I thought Darth Vader was the #1 bad guy. I don't get it how he's a #2. Who is Vader's number one?

And Dwight, I don't think he counts a wannabe. He has determination. He is who he wants to be. It legallity and technicallity don't matter. Dwight's just friggin awesome! Plus, he's Michaels #2, even outside of Dunnder Mifflin. He's always there for him, even when he's not invited (dinner party). And he's a good guy. Good always win evil.

Dwight vs. Vader, I really think Dwight would win. Vader would think he's a joke and not even try. While Dwight K Shrute would have the whole place scouted out beforehand and rigged with his awesomeness. He take him down in second, mase him and book him into county.

Can't you just hear Dwight explaining this all on his own?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

that's a no brainer...totally DWIGHT! lol!

Greg said...

I appreciate everyone's participation in this discussion on the importance of leadership skills vs skills of mass destruction. I have enjoyed reading your posts. And I have used a very scientific process in choosing the winner.

My son C.J. and I counted the words in each post (sans Janet's), and listed them in order from the most words to the least. As you can see, Cartoon Sarah had the most, and Ms. Blokthoughts (Rashelle) had the fewest words. Then we put them in order from the most words being number 1, and the fewest words being number 8. Next, we ripped up pieces of paper with 1-8 and put them in a bucket. C.J. closed his eyes, stood on his tip-toes, and drew out a number.

The lucky number was 1

Congrats to Cartoon Sarah, you know who you are, and you are more than welcome to give me a call to get your prize!