Monday, February 8, 2010

Showers

I'm sitting down to blog just because. I don't have anything I've been thinking about writing so this post may be especially boring and of the rambling type. For some reason lately I hate to shower. Part of it is my detest for mornings, which is most often the best time to shower. Once the kids are up it just seems I don't make time for myself throughout the day {unless it's to sleep. I've got my priorities!} Maybe it's due in part to the pregnancy. It could also be due to my constant struggle with depression. My entire family has suffered with depression at some point and my father committed suicide after struggling with bipolar disorder, among other things, for many years. The frustrating thing for me is that I KNOW what to do to control my depression, or at least alleviate it, yet I don't do it. I had a therapist last year tell me there is a prescription for depression that has no side effects and costs next to nothing. You do five things EVERY day, whether you feel like it or not:
  • Exercise {boo!}
  • Express your feelings 100% of the time - don't hold anything in
  • Service
  • Remain social
  • Look forward to something every day

It seems simple, right? Wrong. Once the depression has set it, it seems impossible to do even one thing on this list sometimes. I know the two I struggle with the most and slowly I've begun to struggle with the rest. I find myself sleeping days away without actually having done anything productive, including taking a shower.

I do not post these things to cry for help. As I said, I know how to handle my depression and I have an amazing support system to help me through whatever struggles come my way, especially the best friend and support I could ever have: the love of my life. I simply want to put this out there for anyone else who struggles with mental illness and because of shame, embarrassment or fear does not talk about it. I'm talking about it. I'm not less of a person because I struggle with depression. I can be honest with myself and honest with those around me that I have faults and trials that oftentimes seem out of my ability to handle. However, I WILL overcome this specific challenge and triumphant, will offer help to anyone I know who stands in need.

Thanks for the ear...or eye, as the case may be. I told you it would be a rambly post. :O)

7 comments:

Devin & Ruthann said...

I had no idea. You are amazing and I'm glad you have been a part of my life. You rock and are so strong, I totally admire you. :)

Turbo said...

Thanks for the post, Janet. I have a very hard time getting motivated to do anything, when it is this cold outside. At least the days are getting longer! I'm telling myself the spring is right around the corner.

Erika Seirup said...

Janet, I have those same feelings and go through the same things as you have described. I too, have battled with it my entire life, and my father also is a manic depressive with intense anxiety and anger management issues. ((HUGS))

Jamie Lightner said...

I too can relate. And I love the point you bring up about not being ashamed. I hated admitting it myself and felt guilty about it much of the time. After the seminars I found it was easier to handle and move through if I just let it be ok when it did happen. Crazy the amount of energy we spend beating ourselves up. When we let go a channel that energy to lifting ourselves up our adversities are easier to work through. Nice post. Hang in there.
Jamie

Alton clan said...

I'm glad you're being honest...it doesn't help to hide it anyway. Why is it so difficult to admit this anyway...I had the hardest time coming to terms with my anxiety/depression...but the more I "own" it the better it gets...weird. I wish we weren't in the same boat on this...but it's nice we've got good company :) Lots of love your way!

Hayley said...

I didn't know. I admire your strength! You have support beyond what you know.

Karebear said...

These are the kind of posts I like to read. It makes me not feel so alone with my problems. Thank you for the insights. I think people do need to talk about this more and then we can actually help each other.